What If Your Single Season Isn’t About Finding Someone?

Some of the greatest growth of my life happened when I was single.

Not because being single was always easy. Not because I had completely figured myself out. And definitely not because I had reached some magical place where I no longer desired love or partnership. It happened because, at some point, I made the decision to stop treating my single season like a waiting room.

Instead, I started looking at it as an opportunity to really get to know myself.

There were seasons when I intentionally turned my attention inward. I spent time thinking about what I wanted, needed, valued, and what kind of life I wanted to create (with or without a partner). I learned more about my patterns. I became more aware of the things I needed to address and heal, the boundaries I needed to strengthen, and the parts of myself I had neglected while pouring into other people. Then somewhere along the way, I realized something important: I couldn't expect another person to give me a kind of love that I wasn't willing to give myself.

So when I eventually became open to love again, I did something very intentional.

I started treating myself the way I hoped my future partner would treat me.

If I wanted someone who would make time for me, I made time for myself.

If I wanted someone who would take me out and create experiences with me, I stopped waiting for someone to come along before I enjoyed my life.

If I wanted someone who would encourage my dreams, celebrate me, speak kindly to me, and care about my well-being, I started practicing those things with myself.

I began asking a different question. Instead of only asking, What kind of person do I want? I started asking, What kind of relationship am I creating with myself?

That question changed the game for me!

There is something powerful about getting to a place where you desire partnership without believing that partnership is what makes you whole. You can want companionship, intimacy, romance, and someone to build a life with while still knowing that your life has value right now.

Being single gave me space to learn that.

It also helped me understand that every relationship, especially the ones that didn't work, could teach me something. Some taught me about love. Others taught me about boundaries. Some showed me what I wanted, and others made it very clear what I would never accept again!

None of it was wasted, though.

I don't believe there is one perfect timeline for love. Some people meet their

person early. Some meet them later. Some experience more than one great love during their lifetime. Our lives don't all unfold according to the same schedule, and I think there is freedom in accepting that.

I also believe there can be purpose in the spaces between relationships.

Sometimes the season that feels like nothing is happening is actually the season when you are happening.

You are becoming clearer.

You are healing.

You are learning how to trust yourself.

You are discovering what brings you joy when nobody else is responsible for creating it.

You are learning that being alone and being lonely are not the same thing.

And maybe one of the greatest gifts of that season is realizing that love doesn't begin the moment another person chooses you. Love can begin much earlier than that.

It can begin when you choose yourself.

So if you are in a season of singleness and you desire partnership, stay open to love, but don't put your life on hold waiting for it. Date yourself. Take yourself places. Pour into your friendships. Travel. Explore your interests. Create memories. Work on the things that need healing. Learn what makes you feel alive. Build a life that feels like yours, or at least, the life you desire.

And perhaps most importantly, start giving yourself some of the things you keep hoping someone else will eventually give you.

Because one day, when love does arrive, the goal isn't to hand someone a space and ask them to fill it.

It's to meet them as a whole person and say:

I've been building something beautiful over here. If you're ready, let's build something beautiful together.

Be Well,

Dr. Diane Marie

P.S. When I think about the seasons of my life when I experienced the most personal growth, many of them happened when I was single. Looking back, I realize I was practicing many of the things that would eventually become part of my SACRED framework. I was seeking a deeper understanding of myself, aligning my life with what I truly wanted, reconnecting with the parts of myself I had neglected, reflecting on what past experiences had taught me, allowing myself to evolve, and becoming more dedicated to the way I cared for myself.

I didn't have the language for it then, but I was learning how to become SACRED to myself.